John Waters on Free Speech

For anyone out there looking for a nice piece of gunt:



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Echo from an Era When Industrial Tycoons Killed Animals in Public Just to Make a Point

So my friend ZCC, another professor, has sent me a link to a fascinating event in American history: The Death of Topsy. And who was Topsy, you innocently ask? Why, only Coney Island's most beloved elephant. A crowd favorite African female who met an untimely end...when she was electrocuted by Thomas Edison. At a public event. On film.


Topsy, in her more glamorous days

Yes, despite the fact that there was no ancestor of Old Sparky large enough for dear Topsy in which to park her capacious rear, Edison and his crack techs administered the killing dose in 1903 of that ole devil called alternating current.

This was, of course merely the climax in the long-standing industrial war between the Sage of Menlo Park and his longtime nemesis, the brilliantly mustachioed George Westinghouse. It seems our man Edison wanted the national standard for electrical power to be based on his own direct current, while George saw the natural advantages of an alternating current system, moderated by a transformer. And from then, it was on.

The War of the Currents was waged across the country, with Edison using his considerable public fame (he had invented the phonograph and the incandescent light bulb, after all) to force the nation to adopt DC electricity. He wisely tried to use public skepticism of electrical power (it shocks people to death doesn't is?) to scare them away from AC. Desperately trying to convince one and all away from this questionable new technology, he hired an engineer to perform a series of public demonstrations in which he intentionally electrocuted dogs and cats with AC power, always in front of an attentive audience.

Which brings us back to Topsy. As it turns out, New York State had recently decided to switch from the gallows to the electric chair for the purposes of execution. Not surprisingly, it was Edison who convinced officials to make the switch, and to use - you got it - Westinghouse's "deadly" AC current at the modus mortorum. Along the way to the first execution, Coney Island animal wranglers decided that Topsy (after herself causing three deaths) needed to be put down. When arsenic-laden carrots failed to do the trick, they called in the man who at this point was well-known for publicly electrocuting animals (though always with his competitor's brand of electricity).

So on the appointed day, Edison's crew show up, got things juiced up, waited for the cameras to start rolling, and let the (alternating) current fly. In a triumph of modern animal kindness, it only took ten minutes for Topsy to fry from the inside.

Edison, of course, lost the Current Wars to Westinghouse for obvious engineering reasons, but at least he got to prove that the deadly AC could even bring down an elephant.

RIP: Thomas, George, Topsy and all.

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Collegiate Hotness

Normally, I find Newsweek magazine tedious, boring and largely irrelevant. This is only reinforced by the fact that this week's cover story is about Facebook (I expect them to discover this whole YouTube thing any year now). But, they do give a strong shout out to my distinguished alma mater in their "25 Hottest Schools" feature. Despite the fact that it is an obvious attempt to steal back the smart-parent tuition shopper attention back from U.S News & World Report, I'll take it anyway. Here's the glory:

Hottest for Election Year
Claremont McKenna College, Claremont, Calif.

Two of every five CMC students major in government/international relations. Most of the rest are also talking politics, the campus obsession. Few selective colleges in America have such ideologically balanced faculties and student bodies. Speakers like Bill Clinton and Justice Antonin Scalia dropped by last spring, and neither was tarred and feathered. CMC, one of the five Claremont Colleges, is vibrating with anticipation of the 2008 presidential race. Andrew Lee, a recent graduate and political junkie who created the Fantasy Congress Web site, says that on long campus weekends he and his friends would skip the beach and drive to a state with a hot election and knock on doors for their favorites.

In short, CMC is both the old and the new hotness. Most recently we were the USN&WR #12 liberal arts college in the country. Look out, Williams. We're gunning for your crown.

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San Diego Firefighters Are Delicate and Sensitive

When is a strapping, manly firefighter not a strapping manly firefighter? When he's filing a sexual harassment complaint after being encouraged by a spectator at a Pride parade to "show me your hose."

Yes, and that inter-department complaint is soon to be followed by a lawsuit against the city. You see, despite the fact that the San Diego Fire Department has been marching in the Pride parade for 15 years, four of the city's bravest have decided that hearing the innuendo-laden chatter of sidewalk observers qualifies as "vile sexual taunts."

While no one should be forced to participate in a public event event they're not comfortable with, I can have only so much sympathy for these guys. And I certainly hope none of these four men has ever made an unwelcome sexual remark to a woman in public. Because that would be, you know, kind of hypocritical.

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Congressional Porn Names

God bless The Malcontent, you've made my day. That is, for the post about stripper/porno names that can be easily generated using names of prominent politicos and various members of Congress. Heh - members. Since the source is a subscription-only link to The Hotline, I'll just do as Matt did and copy the list myself. My personal favorite is "Kennedy Whitehouse." Though, of course, "Spitzer Cummings" has charms all its own. And finally, Ohio Republican John Boehner has been recognized in several of the submissions below for a name almost as entertaining as his former congressional colleague, the senator from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

The nominations:
Goode Sessions; Buyer Weiner; Costa Lott; Issa Foxx; Rangel Dicks; Harry Boehner; Weiner Sessions; Nita Dicks; Nita Johnson; Holden Weiner; Costa Dicks; Harry Weiner; Tanner Hyde; Issa Boehner; Boehner Bayh; Weiner Bayh; Goode Bayh; Bayh Moore; Goode Pryce; Mary Johnson; Mary Cochran; Patty Reid; Harry Reed; Issa Cummings; Harry Reid; Wu Young Dicks; Frank Johnson; Dick Bond; Loretta Sanchez; Payne Sessions; Otter Heineman; Johnson Hunter; Dicks Granger; Candy Dicks; Cox Polk; Buck Traficant; Moore Johnson; Rep. Faleomavaega and just about any Johnson; Costa Fortuño; Dingell Berry; Fattah Dicks; Spitzer Cummings; Norm Dicks; Fattah Johnson; Phil Akaka; Kind Dicks; Pryor Farr; Rove Foxx; Chuck Bonjean; Akin Cheeks; Chaka Goode; Kennedy Whitehouse; Vitter Sessions; and “anything with Loebsack.”

My only confusion is how "Ensign Brownback" didn't make it on to the list. It would be perfect for a pirate-themed porno: a young British naval officer is captured during a skirmish off the coast of Hispanola, only to discover that's it's not all rum and the lash on the high seas...

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Who Are the Refugees Next Door?

It seems that my new neighbors must be either devotees of trendy retrograde environmental practices or recent immigrants from some barbarous nation where mechanical laundry services are unknown.



I can only imagine that the pricklier members of the HOA might have something to say about this new development.

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A Look Back on the Savarese Legacy

Speaking of Lou Savarese and his recent loss to Evander Holyfield, I can't resist posting a clip of his best known loss, the infamous 38-second, first round defeat in Scotland against Mike Tyson.



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R.I.P., Arturo Gatti's Career

So Alphonso Gomez just knocked out Arturo Gatti at 2:12 of round 7 in Atlantic City. While Gomez was pummeling an only semi-responsive Gatti through the seventh round, the HBO announcers were writing his epitath in a particularly cold-hearted way. "Hopefully, he's taken his last right."



Farewell, my handsome Italian/Canadian rose. Now it's on to the main event: WBO Welterweight Champion Antonio Margarito vs. Paul Williams.

11:40pm UPDATE: It's a win for the new WBO Welterweight Champion, Paul Williams. The man threw 1,256 punches in 12 rounds - he earned it. Margarito did have a deal to fight WBA Welterweight Champion Miguel Cotto, but that was dependent on him delivering tonight. Who knows what the next matchup will be?

Going back to Gatti's retirement (which he just officially announced on HBO), I've got a suggestion. Given his Italian heritage and good looks, he could easily move into acting. Despite the end of The Sopranos, there are always a huge number of tough guy/mobsters roles begging for someone with some authenticity. He should make a call to Lou Savarese, who has played roles on Law & Order: SVU as well as, yes, The Sopranos. That is, before he made an extremely ill-advised return to the ring two weeks ago against Evander Holyfield. Best to stick to acting, Lou.

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Worst Job in Boxing

Being Ricardo Mayorga's translator. Trash talking by proxy is always a dicey affair (if you want to go straight to the action, skip to about 3:30 and watch from there).



Just goes to show you - never mess with a Nicaraguan. Those guys are crazy.

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Fighting Global Warming Alarmism...with Beach Balls



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